the last few days

i couldn't read after the 64 memorial. that's may not be caused by 64 memorial ceremony, instead, it's timing. I picked up a book, read about 2 or 3 pages, and then put it down, give up reading. This situation also happened on writing, especially in Chinese writing. i think my concentration is too low to do these. it's makes me unhappy. Should i be pleased that i still can watch English TV program and typing by using poor English?
yesterday, i held a tutorial class with a S3 girl who i called her giant. i couldn't explain the difference between 'Do' and 'Have' clearly, which made me unhappy all night and became desperate.
My English is so worst, it's not qualified in living Hong Kong and everywhere. i wish it can be better, but can't find a way. i don't know what was happened to my language,  it just, become more and more worse when i grow up. may be i haven't work hard enough, maybe, i am too stupid.

i hate something will be lost if you don't practice it. but i enjoyed reading and listening foreign language, no-matter English or Japanese. i understand that if i can speak these languages like a native speaker, i will have more thrilled. But i don't know rather i can do these or not. i have no enthusiasm and patience on studying language. it's always less effective than something.
Was this caused by my character? i am less enthusiastic in being human, too. all in all, i only act in my own interest, or maybe, i haven't worked hard .
i was upset, about my worst English and the desperate future.

i'm planing on a short trip to Guangzhou, about 3days. Walk around the place where i visited a lot when i was a child, also some attractions i had never visited before. i am worried that i can't book the hotel i want. it's hard, i haven't got a mainland mobile-phone, they don't have a contact e-mail either. i asked Wendy to help me on the booking, but i don't know whether she has time to do. i like to stay at that hotel rather than staying at YMCA, but i will, but i will book YMCA as an alternative.
also, i ought to buy a  map of Guangzhou, helping me to plan this trip. i need a travel, leave hong kong, go to another place, have me refreshed for 3 days. finding the way and power to enable me to continue my path in the upcoming months..